I recently came across an article by Patrick Stewart which I first read around 15 years ago (read the full article here) which is both heartfelt and harrowing. He talks with clarity and honesty about witnessing the domestic abuse suffered by his mother when he was a child growing up in the 1940s. It’s striking because he talks about these experiences that, at the time he wrote the piece, happened over 60 years before, and yet the details of what happened, his father’s behaviour and how it felt at the time, are so sharp and vivid. Re-reading it years later it feels poignant, heartbreaking and absolutely infuriating.
I recently came across an article by Patrick Stewart which I first read around 15 years ago (read the full article here) which is both heartfelt and harrowing. He talks with clarity and honesty about witnessing the domestic abuse suffered by his mother when he was a child growing up in the 1940s. It’s striking because he talks about these experiences that, at the time he wrote the piece, happened over 60 years before, and yet the details of what happened, his father’s behaviour and how it felt at the time, are so sharp and vivid. Re-reading it years later it feels poignant, heartbreaking and absolutely infuriating.
There is still so much misunderstanding around the impact of domestic abuse for children. There is a societal tendency to believe that if there is no evidence that a child is directly harmed through physical abuse that they are ok. Although children living with domestic abuse are highly likely to be physically harmed (62% are directly harmed by the perpetrator of the abuse, – CAADA 2014), they are also impacted by being present with it. It is a common trope to hear from the people around an abuser, including professionals working with families, that “He’s a good dad because he takes the children to school.” A conclusion that can be hard to accept when outwardly he is doing the bare minimum of what any parent is expected to do by law and yet he is receiving credit for this basic level of parenting. However, what is often missed is the impact that children experience; witnessing daily humiliation, coercive control, neglect, psychological, financial and physical abuse. This is what Stewart brings to life so harshly in his memories of what that felt like 60 years before. He remembers which behaviours were a red flag, how he would try to navigate the risks of putting himself between his parents and how, most heartbreakingly, no one would come to help. This is the part that hurts the most. This is why it is so hard to hear these behaviours minimised, overlooked or simply ignored.
“With the UK General Election less than a week away, children dealing with domestic abuse is not mentioned in any political party’s manifesto…”
In 2022/23 Maa Shanti worked with 27 children, in 2023/24 that number has risen to 99. The cases we deal with involve working with school welfare officers, social services, Special Educational Needs Co-Ordinators and Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS). We support children experiencing bullying, trauma and mental health issues. We work on school transfer applications and liaise with social services about safeguarding concerns, child anti-social behaviours, truancy and even abusive behaviour towards the mother. When we surveyed mothers about what was most important to them during the cost-of-living crisis they told us they want help and support for their children. They want their children’s health needs met, especially their mental health needs. Mothers told us they can only feel happy if their children are safe, well and happy. Whilst we continue to work with families to get access to safe, adequate housing, benefits and helping them have access to basic essentials, working holistically to take care of their health and wellbeing needs and trying to cultivate a sense of enjoyment from life and hope for the future are also crucial.
However, there is a significant gap in the mental health service provision for children in the UK. There are no statutory services specifically for children who live in a house where domestic abuse is present. There are very few by-and-for culturally informed counselling services for Black and Asian women and even less including children. Waiting times for CAMHS referrals in some areas of London are around 12 months. According to the Children’s Commissioner as of March 2024 over 250,000 children are currently waiting for mental health support. The NSPCC found that 1 in 5 children in the UK have lived with an adult perpetrating domestic abuse. Last year a report by Public First, found that since the pandemic the UK is experiencing a school attendance crisis and families who are impacted by poverty and domestic abuse are among the most likely to non-attend leaving children isolated, left behind and unseen by schools and social services. To compound this, more families are being pushed further into poverty by the cost-of-living crisis and according to Shelter last Christmas over 130,000 children were likely to be homeless which is the highest number on record.
The children we work with have usually had to leave their family home as well as their friends and schools to find safety. Many are adjusting to uncertainty around their housing situations as they are placed indefinitely in temporary accommodation, which in many circumstances is not suitable for children who may have special educational needs. Over 10% of the children we work with have a diagnosed neurological or development disorder such as autism or ADHD, but we believe many more children have not been formally diagnosed. All of the children we support are almost always dealing with the impact of family trauma as well as undiagnosed mental health problems like anxiety and depression. On top of that they are left to try to start from scratch on their own; to make new friends and try to settle in at school without knowing how long they will be there, with many also placed in the position of being interpreter for their mum.
At a time when it is now standard practice for everyone in society to recognise that child safeguarding issues are everyone’s responsibility, this currently does not extend effectively to children living in or having left an environment where domestic abuse is present. Children are being failed and it is everyone’s responsibility to do something about it. With the UK General Election less than a week away, children dealing with domestic abuse is not mentioned in any political party’s manifesto, even though children have been recognised as victims of domestic abuse in the Domestic Abuse Act since 2021. Children being overlooked and left with no support when they need it most is unacceptable in any society. We demand more for all the children who are living with the devastating and long-lasting impacts of domestic abuse.
#domesticabuse #childrenarevictimsofdomesticabusetoo #generalelection
“The NSPCC found that 1 in 5 children in the UK have lived with an adult perpetrating domestic abuse.”